BUYER’S REMORSE: WHEN YOUR DESIRES BECOME REGRETS BECAUSE YOU LACK THE PATIENCE TO WAIT

When You Run Out Of Patience

I have p.a.t.i.e.n.c.e with everyone but MYSELF. Okay, maybe not everyone. But I am known to have an abnormal amount of patience with clients, and if I am honest, a few other u.n.d.e.s.e.r.v.i.n.g @ssholes individuals throughout my life. Having some level of patience in my profession is not a choice but merely part of the process. When working with b.u.y.e.r.s and sellers, there are no instant gratifications for anyone involved. And there are many days, weeks and at times, months until the toilsome work of a realtor’s efforts, along with the exhausting demands placed on their clients, yields a purchase or a sale for them, and a paycheck for you. And once that deal is done, and you have celebrated your victory, and laid that transaction to rest, it is on to the next one and the one after that, with nothing more than your p.a.s.t experience and your recycled patience to accompany you. In the Texas housing market, the year 2021 has seen an unprecedented buying surge, that has created such a demand that buyers have felt an overwhelming amount of p.r.e.s.s.u.r.e to offer upwards of $30k and in some cities $100k over the list price, just to win the bid on a home. These buyers, whom at the beginning of this surge, were constantly competing on average with 20 other e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d buyers for the same home. With some, begrudgingly offering considerably more than its current value, but willing to take the l.o.s.s nonetheless, because they were tired, f.r.u.s.t.r.a.t.d, desperate & growing impatient with tHEiR process. Therefore, when representing buyers in this type of market, my level of patience with my clients increases so that I can help them to aVOID making an e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l decision out of that same desperation, that could possibly leave them with a sense of r.e.g.r.e.t, known as Buyer’s Remorse. Psychologists associate buyer’s remorse with a theory known as “cognitive dissonance”. Which more clearly defined is the conflict between what is t.r.u.e and what a person wants to believe. As buyers of any product, be it a house, or any other tangible or intangible commodity, we would like to believe that our well-intended purchase – the object of our deepest d.e.s.i.r.e – has v.a.l.u.e. But when our decisions are based on impatience and impulsiveness, it is not uncommon to have that same value later questioned.

Whenever I meet a prospective buyer – and after we have gone through the first steps of obtaining their pre-approval for a loan – and after I have taken copious notes on their Wants, Needs & Desires, I make the same d.e.c.l.a.r.a.t.i.o.n before our meeting is adjourned.

I tell them that…       

“I am a f.a.i.t.h-based realtor.”

that

I genuinely b.e.l.i.e.v.e that what is for them, will be for them.”

I then tell them

 to

“T.r.u.s.t their process.”

to

“Be Patient”

to

 “Refuse to s.e.t.t.l.e”

And to

“Allow me to guide them through their home-buying journey.”

With such calm assurance, I speak these words to my buyers, gaining their c.o.n.f.i.d.e.n.c.e in my ability to navigate them through the unnerving, discouraging & at times f.r.u.s.t.r.a.t.i.n.g parts of their journey, until their end goal of homeownership is realized. And in a volatile 2021 market – such as the one affecting homebuyers in Texas – achieving this goal, with zero regret after purchase, requires…

a steadfast perseverance & and an unwavering b.e.l.i.e.f

that no matter how i.m.p.o.s.s.i.b.l.e it seems,

if we W.A.I.T patiently,

“It will ALL work out” in the end.

But if only my realtor-self would have spoken to my relationship-self, I too, could have used the same calming reassurance in my past r.e.l.a.t.i.o.n.s.h.i.p dealings – that had I patiently waited – I could have been spared the discomforting f.e.e.l.i.n.g.s of my own remorse’s.

When You Are Filled With Regret

A recent study by USA Today reports that “64% of millennials aged 25 to 40 are facing regrets after buying a home”. As opposed to the baby boomer generation who are less likely to share the same feelings. A common reason for the divide, the study shows, is d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. And if there is one feeling that I am familiar with, it is s.e.t.t.l.i.n.g out of desperation. When working with a serious buyer, there is seldom a limit to the number of homes that I will show them within reason, provided there is a happy medium between what they want. need. & desire. And I usually will not stop my search for their home until I have found “the one” that they can HONESTLY say they L.O.V.E. My decision to exhibit this type of p.a.t.i.e.n.c.e with my buyers is for one reason, I r.e.f.u.s.e to allow them to settle for a house they “kind of” like, only to R.E.G.R.E.T it later.

Now,

If only I had the same STANDARDS for myself, maybe my r.e.l.a.t.i.o.n.s.h.p. c.h.o.i.c.e.s would have been different.

If only I had allowed my search to patiently continue, maybe I would not have S.E.T.T.L.E.D for f*ckboys out of self-applied pressure.

If only I had been h.o.n.e.s.t with myself, maybe I would have admitted that his disrespectful treatment towards me was surprisingly not love, instead of passively condoning it, as if it were.

If only I had not allowed my DESPERATION to be married to blind me to the obvious, maybe I would have noticed the “devil in the details” of my arrangement.

And

If only I had refused to s.e.t.t.l.e for ANYONE less than what I Wanted. Needed. & Desired, maybe, I would have aVOIDed a few of my own regrets.

Unmet e.x.p.e.c.t.a.t.i.o.n.s, in my opinion, is the crux of buyer’s remorse. When you w.a.n.t someone something so badly, the unbridled emotions centered around the dazzling “object of your d.e.s.i.r.e” can be blinding. And in that headspace of excited prepossession, all that you can see, is the Glitter that cleverly masquerades as GOLD.

But there is something REGRETFUL about instant gratification.

Though it temporarily satisfies your t.h.i.r.s.t to have what you want handed to you NOW, it denies you of something far better, that was possibly being p.r.e.p.a.r.e.d for you LATER, had you w.a.i.t.e.d.

But WAITING can be a tortuous experience for the one watching a clock that seldom seems to tick on their behalf.

Leaving her d.o.u.b.t.i.n.g that anyone anything B.E.T.T.E.R is coming.

And in that disT.R.U.S.T, she B.U.Y.S the gold. C.o.n.v.i.n.c.i.n.g herself that despite its green & black tarnishing, IT REALLY IS F*CKING GOLD.

But once you have s.e.t.t.l.e.d out of desperation, whether you admit it to yourself or not, at some point, R.E.M.O.R.S.E will set in.

And the discontent of your c.h.o.i.c.e will undoubtedly leave you with feelings of r.e.g.r.e.t.

When You Settle Out Of Fear

The proverbial phrase “Patience is a Virtue”, is not always applicable in real estate. In a hot sellers’ market, with f.e.w o.p.t.i.o.n.s available, buyers feel p.r.e.s.s.u.r.e.d to bid on a house within hours of it hitting the market. With nearly time to consider if that is the one, they genuinely w.a.n.t, or just one, they are willing to SETTLE for, out of f.e.a.r of losing out because they are d.o.u.b.t.f.u.l that a house that better suits their n.e.e.d.s will become AVAILABLE anytime soon. But w.h.a.t.e.v.e.r their rationale, if they win the bid, and the deal closes, there are no refunds. And that b.u.y.e.r for the time being, will have to live with tHEiR choice. However, if a buyer soon after determines that the home they purchased, does not meet their e.x.p.e.c.t.a.t.i.o.n.s, instead of admitting remorse over their decision, they may instead, choose to j.u.s.t.i.f.y it with a cognitive bias known as “post-purchase rationalization”. This is when a buyer will convince themselves that their purchase was a “good one”. Rationalyzing their c.h.o.i.c.e with reasons that console them, in a botched attempt to stave off the regret they inwardly feel.

I AM THAT B.U.Y.E.R!

For those that know me or know the kibbles & bits of my relationship dogtales, it is no secret that I have s.e.t.t.l.e.d once or twice, OKAY maybe three or four times in my p.a.s.t.

A.f.r.a.i.d that nothing no one b.e.t.t.e.r was out there; I BOUGHT in to his bullsh*t that he was what was b.e.s.t for me.

Believing his L.I.E.S, I c.o.n.v.i.n.c.e.d myself that the options of AVAILABLE men that met my reasonable list of s.t.a.n.d.a.r.d.s were few & far between. And unless I w.a.n.ted to lose out on the t.r.a.s.h that was available to me NOW, I was in no position to w.a.i.t for that “better treasure” to come along.

So, in my desperate desire to be in a relationship, I succumbed to my own pressure. Telling myself whatever I needed to hear, to justify my w.r.o.n.g choice. Rationa-lying his bad behavior with reasons that comforted me, when deep down, I knew that I had made a mistake & was s.i.l.e.n.t.l.y filled with regret.

When It Is Worth The Wait

To my knowledge, I have not had a client express r.e.g.r.e.t over purchasing a home that I sold to them. Though I imagine, if I had, it would sadden me, knowing that post-purchase, there was not much, if anything, that I could do for the time being. But I would certainly wonder if their feelings of d.o.u.b.t were prevalent before they bought the home? And if they were, why then, would they c.h.o.o.s.e to go through with it?

But “what’s understood, seldom needs to be said” & in their silent omission, I would hear tHEiR reasons clearly. Because eerily, they echo my own.

A seller’s market can be extremely disheartening to some buyers that can be easily overwhelmed with the pressure “to decide” when they are simply u.n.s.u.r.e. With little to no foresight of the housing market’s varying fluctuations, to a buyer who simply DESIRES to buy a home, the limited options that are available to them NOW, may mistakenly leave them feeling that this man house is “as good as it gets.” And if I, as their realtor agreed with them, knowing what I know, then my declaration that I made to them at our first meeting would have been a L.I.E and I, like some of the men in my p.a.s.t, a LIAR. In times as these, as I feel the exhaustion of my exerted efforts to find my buyers the r.i.g.h.t home, I remind myself of those words to them, & I hold myself accountable to do as I said…to patiently guide them through their journey & r.e.f.u.s.i.n.g to let them settle.

But now the pendulum of hypocrisy swings in my direction,

and my realtor-self must give my relationship-self that same d.e.c.l.a.ration of h.o.p.e so that she too, can be encouraged with a calm assurance.

And with a bated breath I tell MYSELF that…

That I am a woman of F.a.i.t.h

And despite my errant Relationsh*t c.h.o.i.c.e.s

I genuinely BELIEVE that the Man that is for me, will be for ME.

And regardless of how discouraged I get, or how the mountains of d.o.u.b.t seem immovable,

I will T.R.U.S.T my process

And even when it is not going the way that I think it should, because “it” seems to be moving slow as hell,

I will be Patient

Continuing to tell myself that an Amazing Man is being p.r.e.p.a.r.e.d for me. And when I meet my “KING”, I will know it & he will be w.o.r.t.h this long @ss w.a.i.t. But until then,

I will refuse to S.e.t.t.l.e

for the pawns of p.a.s.t & present, that have been of no v.a.l.u.e to me; adding only to my insecurities & discontentment, brought on by the absence of my deepest d.e.s.i.r.e.s.

And I will allow myself to be guided through my relationship“Journey”

Crawling over the painful thorns of my past f.a.i.l.u.r.e.s.

Toddling across the overgrown fields of my disappointments.

Stopping just briefly to look back o.v.e.r my mistakes with s.e.l.f–forgiveness.

And then moving forward, as I walk fearlessly into the b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l garden of my p.u.r.p.o.s.e, that was BOUGHT with the blood, sweat & tears of my F.A.I.T.H, with no f*cking REMORSE! ?

Dedicated to anyone who has ever had to wait & hated it! ?

Isaiah 40:31?

Bidding Farewell to an exhausting 2021 and wishing my readers a refreshing 2022.

Happy New Year!!! ? ? ? ?