Distress, Foundations, Rebuilding

DECLUTTERING YOUR SPACE: LETTING GO OF YOUR PAST SO YOU CAN MOVE ON

When You Waste Time Holding On 

“The right man will never come into your life until you let him go!”

I remember the exact moment this was said to me.

Headed back to Houston, after just having performed at a youth retreat near San Antonio, when I was still actively recording music and performing as a “Christian Rap Artist” – my mentor, and founder of the music label that I was a part of, in a laid-back tone, would make this statement with nary a glance in my direction, as he kept his eyes on the road ahead.

Knowing to whom he was referring, I made no reply. But with glassy eyes, I stared out of the passenger-side window, as we made the trek back to Houston in silence, with only the sound of our heavy-bassed laden music blaring through the custom speakers of his Navigator SUV.

To the hundreds of cheering youth – who had just watched me perform

on a stage in front of bright lights & HOPE-filled eyes,

as I enc.o.u.r.a.g.ed them through a setlist of inspirational songs from my debut album –

I was “Tragedy”,

the Inspirational Hip-Hop Artist.

One whose music would speak boldly against t.o.x.i.c relationships from a spiritual POV & the importance of L.E.T.T.I.N.G such relationsh*ts GO.

But sitting in that truck, after the show was over, the lights were off and the crowd was gone…was Toya!

And she was struggling to heed the w.i.s.e advice of her beloved alter-ego.

For there was a young man from her p.a.s.t that kept her h.e.a.r.t cluttered with the longings for empty promises & a hope deferred that was making “it” sick.

And yet & still, the sacred s.p.a.c.e in her heart & m.i.n.d, to him, would be given full reign to roam for years to come.

A walking, talking, rapping contradiction of myself, to my fan base, from the outside, I

“looked ready”:

well-groomed, fashionable, feminine, friendly, and fit.

But hidden beneath my exterior lay the hoardings of unhealthy d.e.s.i.r.e & unrequited LOVE that would create heaps of impediments within my life going f.o.r.w.a.r.d.

Ultimately, it would cost me the most expensive thing I ever gave away, and can never

reclaim…TIME!

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Distress, Foundations, Rebuilding

BUYER’S REMORSE: WHEN YOUR DESIRES BECOME REGRETS BECAUSE YOU LACK THE PATIENCE TO WAIT

When You Run Out Of Patience

I have p.a.t.i.e.n.c.e with everyone but MYSELF. Okay, maybe not everyone. But I am known to have an abnormal amount of patience with clients, and if I am honest, a few other u.n.d.e.s.e.r.v.i.n.g @ssholes individuals throughout my life. Having some level of patience in my profession is not a choice but merely part of the process. When working with b.u.y.e.r.s and sellers, there are no instant gratifications for anyone involved. And there are many days, weeks and at times, months until the toilsome work of a realtor’s efforts, along with the exhausting demands placed on their clients, yields a purchase or a sale for them, and a paycheck for you. And once that deal is done, and you have celebrated your victory, and laid that transaction to rest, it is on to the next one and the one after that, with nothing more than your p.a.s.t experience and your recycled patience to accompany you. In the Texas housing market, the year 2021 has seen an unprecedented buying surge, that has created such a demand that buyers have felt an overwhelming amount of p.r.e.s.s.u.r.e to offer upwards of $30k and in some cities $100k over the list price, just to win the bid on a home. These buyers, whom at the beginning of this surge, were constantly competing on average with 20 other e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d buyers for the same home. With some, begrudgingly offering considerably more than its current value, but willing to take the l.o.s.s nonetheless, because they were tired, f.r.u.s.t.r.a.t.d, desperate & growing impatient with tHEiR process. Therefore, when representing buyers in this type of market, my level of patience with my clients increases so that I can help them to aVOID making an e.m.o.t.i.o.n.a.l decision out of that same desperation, that could possibly leave them with a sense of r.e.g.r.e.t, known as Buyer’s Remorse. Psychologists associate buyer’s remorse with a theory known as “cognitive dissonance”. Which more clearly defined is the conflict between what is t.r.u.e and what a person wants to believe. As buyers of any product, be it a house, or any other tangible or intangible commodity, we would like to believe that our well-intended purchase – the object of our deepest d.e.s.i.r.e – has v.a.l.u.e. But when our decisions are based on impatience and impulsiveness, it is not uncommon to have that same value later questioned.

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Foundations

REJECTED: WHEN YOU OFFER YOUR BEST BUT IT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH (B-DAY ed.)

When Rejection Causes You Pain

My 3-year-old nephew Kash brought me to tears one day. Only 1 ½ at the time, my mother was keeping him one hot July weekend, during the summer of 2020. Eager to see the adorable green-eyed, chubby face little boy with sandy brown curls, I drove to her house, with a few hours to spare until my next client appointment, to spend t.i.m.e with him. But upon entering the front door, the sweet greeting that I was anxiously e.x.p.e.c.t.i.n.g, quickly soured. And instead of hugs and kisses for the auntie that had named him, my nephew – whom I was told just moments before my arrival was laughing and playing – screamed to the top of his “fully functioning” lungs at the very sight of me. So troubling was his cry, any onlooker, who did not know me, or the love that I had for this child, would have raised an eyebrow as to question whether I had done something to cause him harm?  And now intent on calming him, and distraught by his unusual reaction towards me, I was beginning to feel h.e.l.p.l.e.s.s because my every attempt was failing. Still, my mother, baffled by her grandson’s odd b.e.h.a.v.i.o.r towards me, kept offering suggestions on what I could do to console him. But her suggestions fell on deaf ears, because inwardly I resented each one, as I had never had to try this hard to w.i.n his affection. And yet, I kept trying. And after I had DESPERATELY o.f.f.e.r.e.d everything that I could think of to make him happy, it was clear that nothing was good e.n.o.u.g.h. And I was now ready to concede to the impending feeling that was causing my h.e.a.r.t to shriek with a painful familiarity. A feeling so painful, my intended 3-hour visit, was brought to a sudden end after only 30 minutes. Whereby, I made up an excuse that would allow me to leave in a hurry, so that I could allow my heart to b.r.e.a.k open in the privacy of my own car, on the freeway to my next appointment, where I would cry all the way. This feeling, that left my fragile heart with an inability to decipher between my nephew not wanting me after I had given h.i.m ALL that I had, and the men in my p.a.s.t, not w.a.n.t.i.n.g me, after I had given t.h.e.m the same, was the gut-wrenching feeling of REJECTION. This feeling, up to a few years ago, had been a source of great pain for me. But how could my nephew’s innocent, yet odd behavior, reopen w.o.u.n.d.s that I thought 3 years of therapy had healed? I wrestled with this question over the next week. Struggling to admit the obvious, that though therapy had aided in stitching up a few of my past relationship wounds, I, with my own fingers had prematurely removed the sutures, because presently, I was s.t.i.l.l, desperately offering my b.e.s.t, only to be shown through h.i.s behavior, that it STILL was not g.o.o.d enough. And now, this tortuous sentiment that in the past had echoed so loudly in my relationships, was beginning to reverberate in real estate as well. Whereby the repeated taunts of bid r.e.j.e.c.t.i.o.n.s during a very exhausting season, would begin to f.i.l.l me to the brim of my breaking point, threatening an overflow of d.o.u.b.t, despair and discouragement, that at its crest, left me so d.e.f.e.a.t.e.d as a realtor, that in spare moments, I wrestled with walking away from a profession that I l.o.v.e, if it meant salvaging the remnants of my w.e.a.r.y faith & my sanity.

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Distress, Foundations, Rebuilding

ABANDONED: WHEN YOU QUESTION YOUR VALUE AFTER SOMEONE LEAVES YOU

When They Love You, Then Leave You

“The Orange Show”, an eclectic, and colorful, mini amusement park, tucked away in a working-class neighborhood of Houston’s East side, at its opening in 1979, was predicted by its creator Jeff McKissack, to be a rival tourist attraction that would draw thousands to its door. Built using b.r.o.k.e.n & d.i.s.c.a.r.d.e.d materials from scrap yards and demolition sites, his vision was to create a monument that paid homage to health and good living, using the vitamin-C packed orange as its muse. However, despite the twenty years he spent constructing the theme park, to his disappointment, the crowds never came. And a few months after its grand opening, Jeff McKissack, would pass away, l.e.a.v.i.n.g the bright f.u.t.u.r.e of his beloved “The Orange Show”, bleak and darkened by the abandonment of his demise.  And as a result, the creative structure that was so carefully wrought, would sit d.e.s.e.r.t.e.d & its purpose postponed, like a life-long dream deferred.  Its value now uncertain because its visionary was gone – the one who had conceptualized its design with intricate fashion and birthed it into existence – has unintentionally withdrawn his c.a.r.e before his infantile creation could stand on its own. And now, if “The Orange Show” was ever to become all that it was intended to be, it would desperately need someone to come along, and seeing its v.i.r.t.u.e, show it “l.o.v.e” & give it restoration.

The dramatic story of this amusement park b.e.a.r.s many similarities to relationships. It bears many similarities to individuals, including myself, that have experienced the loneliness of emotional abandonment or w.r.e.s.t.l.e.d with the unhealed scars of physical abandonment, that now with h.o.p.e that has been abated, sit desperately longing to be r.e.s.t.o.r.e.d by someone who sees my tHEiR v.a.l.u.e. By someone, whose genuine care, might give them the strength to s.t.a.n.d in their purpose. By someone – who simply loves them.

In the real estate world, finding abandoned property to restore is a niche not easily mastered. And as hard as it is to find abandoned property in the saturated investment world of fixing and flipping, how disappointed I have been, when I come across one where a botched restoration was done. Leaving me to question if the property was more valuable d.e.s.e.r.t.e.d, then it is half-ass restored? And as I walked the boundary of such property, curious of its history, I quietly wondered what led up to the events of its owner walking out and leaving it to sit unloved & n.e.g.l.e.c.t.e.d?  Observantly, noticing the original details of its frame, that would have preserved its appearance, had someone cared enough to pay attention to it…

the ingrained f.l.a.w.s that deepened her its b.e.a.u.t.y

 the natural-g.l.o.w.ing l.i.g.h.t that contoured its her charm

the distinct f.e.a.t.u.r.es that highlighted her its c.h.a.r.a.c.t.e.r

the spiritual solid foundation that strengthened her core

 But instead, the affections that made this home rare, were dismissed as insignificant qualities that had no virtue. And for a moment, as I stood there, allowing my mind to r.e.f.l.e.c.t on my own feelings of desertion in a marriage relationship – void of love – that despite possessing – what I felt were unicorn q.u.a.l.i.t.i.e.s – in the eyes of the beholder, were r.e.j.e.c.t.e.d as having little value. The unusual juxtaposition of people & property by a simple act of l.o.v.e & care that can affect the trajectory of their existence for the better, is uncanny. But feeling a.b.a.n.d.o.n.e.d negates those acts & can leave both e.x.p.o.s.e.d to the unsavory elements that may choose to squat uninvited in tHEiR desertion.

When You Have Abandonment Issues

In a city as big as Houston, it is not uncommon to see deserted buildings tucked in the pockets of humming communities.  

Uns.e.c.u.r.e.d, these buildings are repeatedly damaged by adolescent roguery.

Unoccupied, tHEiR b.o.u.n.d.a.r.i.e.s violated by the misdeeds of those that might t.r.a.n.s.g.r.e.s.s against it.

Unable to p.r.o.t.e.c.t itself, sHE is often an unwilling participant in H.E.R. own abuse misuse.

And Unnoticed, the vile mistreatment leaves her cheapened and lacking e.s.t.e.e.m.

Now an unattractive eyesore to those around it, it’s not hard to understand why one might question its v.a.l.u.e;

Concluding that the restoration needed might not be w.o.r.t.h the effort.

Settled in their thinking that she’s its d.a.m.a.g.e.d beyond repair.

Unwilling to see the promising potential of her its existence.

And such are the i.n.t.e.r.n.a.l convictions of so many s.o.u.l.s held hostage by their past hurt & abuse. Their feelings of abandonment by those en.t.r.u.s.t.ed to care for them, v.a.l.i.d, leaving them dejected & d.o.u.b.t.ing their w.o.r.t.h.

From a young child whose inability to understand a parent’s absence throughout their formative years, and how the un.h.e.a.l.ed trauma from the p.a.i.n of undeserved desertion would s.h.a.p.e their l.o.v.e language into adulthood, using F.E.A.R, JEALOUSY, & INSECURITY as its driver.

To the n.e.g.l.e.c.t.e.d youth paralyzed by the s.h.a.m.e.ful scars of emotional, physical and sexual a.b.u.s.e, at the hand of a depraved vandal – that would dare d.e.f.a.c.e valuable property b.e.l.o.n.g.ing to its Creator – mercilessly stealing s.t.i.l.l.ing the voice of its victim.

And on to the one whose h.u.r.t.ful experience with blatant emotional abandonment from a self-absorbed husband significant other, during one of the most painful, embarrassing, frightening, debilitating & traumatic times in my her life, that would e.r.o.d.e HER self-esteem, leaving me her i.n.s.e.c.u.r.e, undesired & completely discarded.

These are a few of the heartbreaking tales of those that understand what it’s like to be f.o.r.s.a.k.e.n by someone that should have loved & cared about them. Though each story is inherently different, the aftermath of their grievous experience unites them in their longing to be v.a.l.u.e.d – and in their d.e.s.i.r.e to be considered as more than just d.a.m.a.g.e.d goods by those that might look down upon them with appraisement – but instead with a deep c.o.m.p.a.s.s.i.o.n, and an aching to see them wholly restored to the climax of their potential.

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Distress, Rebuilding

STUCK IN DISTRESS: WHEN YOU ARE STRUGGLING TO MAINTAIN HAPPINESS IN YOUR HOME (QUARANTINE ed.)

When You’re Unhappily Content

“Because I have nowhere else to go.” This was the response from a young mother, cradling her newborn baby when asked why she insisted on staying in a home that in her own words had so many p.r.o.b.l.e.m.s & was falling apart. A tenant, in a client’s home that I was trying to sell, she rudely inserted herself into a conversation I was having with an investor with her unsolicited “glowing report” of all the things that were wrong with the home to deter his i.n.t.e.r.e.s.t. Her h.o.p.e was that if it didn’t sell, she and her family would be allowed to stay, despite not having paid rent in months. But her response to having “nowhere to go” gave me pause. Her words penetrated my h.e.a.r.t. And though the “encourager” in me wanted to embrace her with a hug and assure her that everything would be okay, I knew my purpose for being there was to perform a service for my client. And coddling his tenant in her time of distress would detract my attention from those duties, so I said nothing. I sold the house to the investor & she, her boyfriend & their two small children were given 30 days to v.a.c.a.t.e. Under normal circumstances, as a realtor, I would’ve offered to assist them in finding another place to live. However, since their landlord was my client, I knew the intimate details surrounding their inability to pay their rent…

It wasn’t health-related – they were both y.o.u.n.g & able-bodied individuals.

It wasn’t economy-related – she had been gainfully employed before choosing to quit her job, with no other means of income.

And he, simply, had little desire to w.o.r.k.

So, I concluded that helping them would be futile because tHEiR misfortune was caused by c.h.o.i.c.e.s not circumstances.  Yet, I never stopped wondering why, despite her dejected demeanor, she would s.e.t.t.l.e for such a distressed state. A state that left her vulnerable & on the losing end of her battle. But she’s not alone. The l.i.g.h.t rays of the word distress bounce off Relationships and Real Estate alike. And if I could hold a mirror to her situation, I would see the reflection of the homeowner who is also on the verge of losing. In real estate, some may associate the word distress, to an aged home in desperate need of w.o.r.k. and repair, to the degree of being uninhabitable. Conversely, a distressed property is NOT defined by its dilapidated appearance because the homeowner is financially unable to r.e.s.t.o.r.e the home, but because they are unable to keep up their payments on the home, causing it to go under foreclosure. It’s considered distressed because the home – taken from the homeowner – is now offered up for sale at a l.o.s.s.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines distress as a:
p.a.i.n.f.u.l situation or misfortune.

It’s the act of being subjected to great strain or difficulties.

To be…

Anguished, Troubled, Worried, or Upset.

To be…

Offered for sale at a L.O.S.S.

So…

For the w.o.r.r.i.e.d homeowner on the verge of being homeless – it’s the absence of s.a.f.e.n.e.s.s.

And

For the individual – submerging in the a.n.g.u.i.s.h of their perceived failure – it’s the absence of secureness.

But the word, itself, is fluid. Its existence is volatile. Aroused & lulled easily by the emotional movements of its environment. Therefore, being in d.i.s.t.r.e.s.s, momentarily, is understandable. But what happens when you feel you’re stuck there?

When You’re Feeling Stuck

That feeling of being s.t.u.c.k in a difficult situation with no control of the outcome is one that taunts the year 2020. A decade that started with so much promise and perfect vision (pun intended), will now be etched into the history books as the start of a decade where the world on one accord was in distress. Plagued by a global pandemic known as the coronavirus, that would cause businesses across the world to close their doors for weeks – some for good – forcing an economic shutdown, where millions of Americans would lose their jobs & hundreds of thousands of people worldwide would lose their lives. And with Government mandates to stay home in order to stop the spread of Covid19, individuals and their families were forced to Quarantine in their homes for weeks, with limited exceptions for leaving. For some families, this forced confinement brought them closer and made their relationships stronger. But it’s no surprise that many other relationships have been tested in ways they were not prepared for – calling into question the very foundation the relationship was built on. Not to mention, the stress of being stuck at home during this global shutdown has caused a surge in domestic violence cases, as tempers are short & patience is thin. And while some happy couples are planning their virtual weddings, others are contemplating going their separate ways.  Couples who were once “crazy in love” & in a busy world, looked forward to a date night & much needed alone time, are now annoyed by the constant 24/7 ungroomed, pudgy sight of each other. Habits of your significant other that use to be cute, now disgust you. The playful banter that once amused you, are now patronizing quips you no longer appreciate. And his s.e.x.y love handles you once defended as just “Baby Fat”, in your b.o.r.e.d eyes, is now “Just Fat” baby! And you’re a glass of wine away from telling him that.  With the downturn of the economy & the restricted capacity of social outlets that allowed for h.e.a.l.t.h.y coping mechanisms and usually provided an escape from the confinement that has left you restless, brutally honest & irritable, many of us – during these trying times – are struggling to maintain our homes & our relationships. Many of us are struggling to s.a.l.v.a.g.e the remnants of our happiness & the s.h.a.r.d.s of our sanity. Many of us…are S.t.u.c.k in D.i.s.t.r.e.s.s.

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Foundations

TEXAS HOLD ‘EM: HOLD. FOLD.WALK. RUN. CALCULATING THE ARV OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

When the stakes are high

The lyrics from the “The Gambler”, a song written by Don Schlitz in 1976 and made famous by Kenny Rogers in 1978, metaphorically uses the game of poker to explain the importance of making good l.i.f.e choices. The old gambler’s message to the struggling young man sitting beside him on the train is piercingly clear:

“You got to know when to hold’em

Know when to fold ‘em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run

You never count your money

When you’re sittin’ at the table

There’ll be time enough for countin’

When the dealin’s done”

This rhythmic, poetic phrase for some – Okay ME – has become the blueprint for handling the stressors of L.I.F.E, Business & Relationships.  All cards on the table (pun intended), I’m NOT a poker player – and if winning is a big deal to you, then I’m not the person you would want as your partner in ANY card game other than Go Fish or Spoons (and I still need a refresher course to play those) – but I AM a Gambler! Though I’ve never gambled away my own money in the slot machines of casinos, in my relationships, however, I was a pro at gambling away my h.e.a.r.t, my dignity & my self-w.o.r.t.h. The careless way that I took risks with my heart because I didn’t see my own V.A.L.U.E, is a stark contrast to how I operate in business. As a realtor, before I negotiate a deal on behalf of my clients, I diligently count the costs and c.a.l.c.u.l.a.t.e all risks before advising if a particular investment will meet their p.r.o.f.i.t goals. One of my duties when working with investors is to help them determine the current market value and ARV of a distressed property that holds their interest.  In the current era of fixing, flipping and selling real estate, the first term every serious investor needs to know is the “After Repair Value” or ARV. The ARV estimates the future v.a.l.u.e of an investment property after r.e.p.a.i.r.s to the distressed home have been made. The formula for Calculating the ARV is simple:

Purchase Price + Renovation Value = After Repair Value

However, for an investor to make their intended profit on the sale of a newly renovated home, the investor would need to purchase that property below market v.a.l.u.e. Purchasing the property below market value gives the investor the leverage they need to do the necessary w.o.r.k that would bring the diSTRESSed property to its FULL VALUE and POTENTIAL, with the hopes of yielding a p.r.o.f.i.t.  The GAMBLE every investor takes regardless of how accurate their calculations are is the unforeseen repairs that can arise during the rehab process that now must be addressed and reluctantly added to the renovation expenses. Though this added expense eats into the investor’s profit margin, the overall “After Repair Value” of the property STILL makes the investment w.o.r.t.h.while. In the game of Poker, this would be called a HOLD.  Anyone can become a real estate investor, but in order to succeed at it, there is a discipline that must be followed. Investors who do not follow this discipline and in haste take on renovation projects without fully calculating the risks, will at some point find themselves investing more money into a property than it’s worth… And putting more r.e.s.o.u.r.c.e.s into a property that will never give you a return on YOUR investment is a c.o.s.t.l.y mistake and comes at a financial l.o.s.s, which in poker, is known as a FOLD.  The proverb “All that glitters is not gold” IF applied to the rules of investing, simply means “just because a deal seems good, doesn’t mean it truly is.” Therefore, a wise investor doesn’t mind WALKing AWAY from an undertaking NOT WORTHY of their TIME, their EFFORT or their RESOURCES if they can’t see the V.A.L.U.E in sticking with it.  Coincidentally, investing in a Relationship has the same risks & requires a similar calculation to determine the ARV, so that you are not investing m.o.r.e into your relationship THAN you get out of it.  Like a distressed property that needs some rehab w.o.r.k before its full value is realized, every relationship has an AFTER REPAIR VALUE because EVERY RELATIONSHIP that has VALUE requires WORK.

When your relationship is a gamble

There is a misconception that having a significant other somehow makes you “The Fixer” of their problems. The consequences of their l.i.f.e’s choices now rest on your shoulders, causing a weight that is too heavy for you to carry. The broken shards of their self-image have become your burden to r.e.p.a.i.r. Their p.a.i.n.f.u.l past is now your responsibility to h.e.a.l. The w.o.r.k that tHEy should be doing on themselves to NOT only continue their personal growth but their g.r.o.w.t.h in the relationship has stagnated, leaving an imbalance of effort & Commitment. And though this frustrates you, you are reluctant to WALK AWAY because you have i.n.v.e.s.t.e.d so much of your time, effort & resources (support).  Not to mention, folding or giving up on your relationship would make you single again and that is a reality that saddens you.  For over half of my life I hated my s.i.n.g.l.e status & what it meant (not married; alone; no plus one; by yourself). That adjective was a horrid reminder of my lonesome state. There was so much JUDGMENT in that word. But the worst judgment didn’t come from others, it came from myself. Being single in my mind meant that I was unworthy of being loved. That I was unattractive. That unless I compromised my beliefs & my values, no man would want me. With my warped sense of self-worth, I began to gamble away what d.i.g.n.i.t.y I had left in relationships that would NEVER prove Value-able for the sake of declaring “I Had A Man“. Too desperate to see that however, I was determined to show those losers men that I was an Ace of Diamonds, a Q.u.e.e.n of Hearts, a Winning Hand worth Keeping. But the work that I put into those distressed relationsh*ts had the reverse effect. Instead of showing them that I was a c.o.n.f.i.d.e.n.t woman worthy of their love, I ended up uncovering countless insecurities & the h.a.t.r.e.d that I HAD for MYSELF. Because ONLY A WOMAN that hated herself would continue to Invest In Below Market Value “Below ‘Her’ Value” Relationships that were F**ked Up to begin with & expect that ALL THE SH*T SHE CONTINUED TO PUT UP WITH, WOULD MAGICALLY TURN TO SUGAR, making Her I.n.v.e.s.t.m.e.n.t of putting up with it Sweet & W.o.r.t.h.while. But the ARV would show differently. Not only would I not see the p.r.o.f.i.t I had hoped for, I wouldn’t see a return at all.  Despite the blood. the sweat. the tears that went into rehabbing those relationships, I ended up walking away with LESS than what I came with.  And Shockingly after ALL that I had invested – the TIME I spent wasted trying to get a Noncommittal F**ktard to Commit; the EFFORT I made in lowering my s.t.a.n.d.a.r.d.s so that his SHORTsighted @ss had a shot in hell of reaching my l.e.v.e.l; the RESOURCES I provided in the form of my Support of his mistreatment towards me (because I continued to stay with him), validating my poor self-image – in the end – to My SURPRISE – the relationship STILL had No Value. Continue Reading

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Foundations

EVICTION: VACATING YOUR HEART-SPACE TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE RIGHT OCCUPANT

Choosing the right occupant

When it comes to landlord friendly states, Texas, ranks at the top of the list. Unlike most states, a Texas landlord can quickly exercise their rights as the property owner, when their tenant has committed an offense that breaches the terms of their lease agreement. Though the state laws that govern the landlord/tenant agreements may differ, landlords across the globe share the same universal expectation of their tenants, they simply want their rent paid on time and the occupant to take care of their property. Failing to do either, can be considered a violation of the tenant’s lease terms and be the cause for eviction. No landlord, after carefully sifting through rental applicants and selecting who they feel is the best one, expects to be blindsided by the ill intentions of their new occupant. Therefore, a realtor who represents the landlord has the duty of scrutinizing each applicant’s rental “w.o.r.t.h.n.i.n.e.s.s” through a vetting process which consists of background & credit checks, along with income verification and prior rental history, in an effort to lessen their client’s concern. It is the hope and (I’m not ashamed to admit it) p.r.a.y.e.r of the realtor, that after they’ve performed ALL the necessary checks and balances, stopping short of collecting hair follicle samples, that the chosen applicant DOES NOT disappoint their client.  Unfortunately, a person’s character can not be fully determined by high FICO scores, steady employment history and their ability to stay under the radar of law enforcement. Though a reasonable indicator of their sanity, it is, however, my experience, that even batsh*t c.r.a.z.y @ss individuals look good on paper.

Why your heart-space is your property

Being a landlord is no easy job. Whether you lease out one property or twenty-five, despite the income earned, allowing the w.r.o.n.g tenant to occupy your habitable space does not come without costs. Juxtapose that to relationships, allowing the wrong person to occupy your h.e.a.r.t-space is just as costly. And when you have the wrong occupant in either space and you’re ready for them to pack their sh*t & GO, then it’s time to file an Eviction.  To EVICT is to force out, in order to recover property from a tenant by legal process.  The Texas legal term for eviction is “Forcible Detainer”. A landlord who has tried to NO AVAIL, to rectify repeated violation issues with their tenant, will, if necessary, proceed with an e.v.i.c.t.i.o.n process, in order to regain control of their space by vacating the premises of an entitled, arrogant, disrespectful, unruly occupant, so that one WORTHY of residing there can move in. There are several offenses that can lead to an eviction in Texas & although non-payment of rent is the TOP offense, negligently causing damage to the property aside from normal wear & tear can be just as upsetting. YOUR heart-s.p.a.c.e is akin to property.  How so? I’ll explain. A property, such as real estate, is something owned or possessed. And whoever owns ‘it’ has the exclusive right to enjoy or d.i.s.p.o.s.e of it as they see fit. When the owner of a property leases it out to someone else for their temporary habitation & enjoyment, that owner expects a level of care & respect shown to their property.  As the landlord of our OWN b.e.a.t.i.ng HEART, we too, have the right to expect a level of care and respect from ANYONE we allow to reside there. But how many of us fail to scrutinize and perform the necessary checks & balances on an applicant (potential mate) trying to occupy our heart-space, ignoring the warning signs and obvious character flaws:

Egotistical. Cheater. Liar. Incorrigible Flirt. Unhealthy Attachment to His Momma. Baby Mama Drama. Selfish. Controlling. An Alcoholic. Lazy. Possessive. Irresponsible. Insecure.

But rather deny their application and wait patiently for a more w.o.r.t.h.y occupant, we instead allow riffraff tenants, out of our desperate thirst search for LOVE, to move their (No Intention of E.V.E.R Loving, Committing To, Respecting or Marrying You) trifling @ss into the vacant spaces of our heart, with NO regard to the damage their OCCUPANCY is causing us while being there. Continue Reading

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Distress, Rebuilding

WINDOW PAIN: WHEN YOU’RE EXHAUSTED & NO LONGER ENERGY EFFICIENT

 

“Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It can only be transformed from one form to another.” – Isaac Newton

The purpose of energy-efficient windows

We live in an era where people are becoming more cognizant of the energies that surround them. The proverb “misery loves company” suggests that a person who is unhappy finds comfort in the company of another individual who shares that same unhappy spirit. Energy – that flows through all of us – by definition, is usually a positive spiritual force. However, life happens to everyone and often without warning and when changes in a person’s life and circumstances negatively affect them, their energy can go from positive to negative in 60 seconds flat. When the energy that surrounds us is negative, not only can it drain our s.p.i.r.i.t.s, but it can wreak havoc on our relationships and infiltrate our homes with its toxic power. In the Houston area, all homes built after May 2002 were required to have double-pane or energy-efficient w.i.n.d.o.w.s. These are windows made with two layers of glass instead of one layer.  The main purpose of this code regulation is to decrease the amount of heat energy that transfers through the window, which in return decreases energy bills – a major plus for the year-round tropical climate.  In addition to these benefits, having double pane windows:

  • provides better insulation from hot and cold temperatures
  • protects the environment with lower energy usage from fossil-fueled p.o.w.e.r sources
  • silences o.u.t.s.i.d.e noise & reduces condensation and mold buildup

When marketing the home of a seller to a prospective buyer, noting that the windows are double pane as oppose to single pane, is a positive selling point. Regardless of the size of the home, the number of windows determines the amount of heat energy that seeps in during the long summer & e.s.c.a.p.e.s during the short winter.  And high energy costs due to windows that are NOT energy efficient, can greatly impact a household budget.

The science behind adding an additional pane of glass to a window in order to conserve energy for a building is brilliant. Most of us need that extra l.a.y.e.r of protection added to the “relationship” building code of our own being. But what do windows and relationships have in common? A window is an opening that allows energy to pass through it. Relationships can mirror that opening, often allowing negative or t.o.x.i.c energy to seep in. And when toxic energy filters through your window (a metaphor for spirit) it can drain you of your effectiveness (efficiency), rob you of your power and leave you exhausted. Many of us, experience relationships with a family member, a friend or significant other, that deplete us of energy that we will n.e.v.e.r get back. And instead of allowing these toxic relationships to die, saying your final goodbyes, closing the lid on the pine box & STOMPING IT six feet underground, we instead waste more e.n.e.r.g.y trying to salvage them, when they were NEVER worth the energy it took to stay in them.

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Distress, Rebuilding

PAINT JOB: WHEN YOUR CHIPPING LOVE COULD USE A FRESH COAT

La Toya Burns - PAINT JOB: WHEN YOUR CHIPPING LOVE COULD USE A FRESH COAT

Does your paint pop or peel?

One of the more effective ways to add value and visual interest to your home is with a fresh coat of paint. Whether you are enhancing your home’s exterior or livening up the interior, paint ranks at the top of most individuals’ home improvement list. As a realtor, showing off beautiful spaces is a perk that comes with the business. There is no pleasurable job than taking a listing for a home so decoratively thoughtful, that it sells itself. However, as a woman who loves creating beautiful spaces, I am equally drawn to the potential of a home that needs the Midas touch or in real estate lingo, a little TLC. HGTV has become the platform for home makeovers, much like Queer Eye – whose premise was centered around five gay males, each performing a makeover in the scope of their own expertise of fashion, style, personal grooming, interior design & culture – was a platform for individual makeovers. Making over a distressed home is parallel to making over an individual in the distress of life. At minimal, both are paired with a stylist (decorator), a makeup artist (painter), and for a more invasive improvement, a cosmetic surgeon (contractor). Each plays a role in bringing out the hidden beauty that lies within the walls of their undertaking, be it human or inanimate.

So how on God’s green (sort of) earth is paint a common denominator between relationships and real estate? Glad you asked! Paint, in all its zillion palette of colors, is a coverup. A cover that is either used to conceal an unappealing blemish on a surface, such as dirt or damage, or to simply bring forth its beauty. add to its warmth. or give it a new life. This type of coverage is often applied to relationships. Of course, any skilled painter knows that before a fresh coat of paint can stick and the color POP, in most cases, the surface needs to be prepped, primed and before that the damaged paint removed. Skipping these steps will result in the tacky inevitable… a new paint job that looks just as rough as the old one. Continue Reading

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